Lesbia in Catullus

Three of the poems about Lesbia which best characterize her turbulent relationship with Catullus are 7, 8, and 43. In poem 7, Catullus begin by responding to Lesbia's query on how many of her kisses would be enough for him. and the romance continues from that point on. In poem 43, Catullus fiercely defends Lesbia's beauty by mocking the beauty of another (Formianus's girlfriend), mean and caustic. Then in poem 8, he turns his brutality of words onto Lesbia after their break-up, and vows he will never go back to her, but will "obdurat" - remain strong.
Many classicists of several hundred years ago have tried to pin down the exact nature of Lesbia's relationship with Catullus at each moment, by using his poetry as a sort of timeline. Of course, modern-day thinkers recognize that their relationship was probably more complex than that, seeing as no relationship is that simple, flat, or well-organized. Still, it seems as though Catullus' reactions to Lesbia are particularly violent, and altogether more exaggerated than a normal, healthy relationship would require. These constant switches between extreme hate and extreme love may have something to do with Lesbia's real identity.
Most historians believe that the Lesbia in Catullus' poetry (stolen from Sappho) is actually a woman named Clodia, married to Metellus, railed against as a whore in Cicero's Pro Marco Caelio, and presumed to have had many affairs with different men. So, naturally, Catullus' love would easily and quickly turn to jealousy and pain. This was by no means a relationship built to last.
In poem 7 Catullus compares Lesbia's kisses to each grain of sand in Cyrene or each star in the night sky. He brings in the use of gods with Juppiter's temple, and discusses love even more fully in the men seen only by the sky. Then Catullus says, as he has before, that he wants so many kisses that the number itself is forgotten, and no evil tongue can do its malice, or bewitch them. This came from an ancient belief that by knowing that much specific information about a person, such as the count of their kisses, they could be hexed. Clearly this poem shows the most passionate part of their relationship, when they are truly happy in their life together.
Poem 43 shows a slightly uglier side to their relationship. Though still in love, and though this poem may seem to be romantic, it shows Catullus' possessive attitude towards Lesbia and possibly his frustration that they cannot be public in their love for each other. Catullus is irritated that this other woman is thought of as beautiful, and wants to tell everyone that this is not even close to true, but pales in comparison to Lesbia. The undercurrent, however, is a desire to show that he is dating a truly beautiful woman, and the pain of not being able to tell anyone. Whether he blames Lesbia for this or not, this is a clear sign of a possible problem in their relationship.
Poem 8 makes this problem very clear. He wistfully looks back on the days when he and Lesbia were happy, and then angrily turns away. He declares that now, since she can deny him, he can also deny her, and take what little pride he has left without giving her satisfaction. The end of the poem is the most interesting, however, especially in the Latin. Catullus switches subjects several times in the poem, always addressing "tu," but at times that means Catullus and at times it means Lesbia. At the end, when Catullus is asking a series of pointed and hurtful questions, all signs of a named subject disappear. While Lesbia was the last named, it makes it appear as if she is being asked "who will love you? Whose will you be said to be? Whom will you kiss?" And in one, "to whom will you seem beautiful?" she is clearly the subject as it is a feminine form. But for all the other questions, it seems to me as if it gets a little confused whether Catullus is asking Lesbia, or asking himself. Will he ever be loved again? But at the end he shakes himself off, and once again vows to "remain strong!"